Domestic Violence Awareness

This page is dedicated to increase awareness and understanding about domestic violence.  If you or someone you know needs help because you/they are involved in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, please refer to these resources:

Massachusetts Domestic Violence Hotline (877) 785-2020

National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-SAFE (7233)http://www.thehotline.org

Jane Doe Inc http://www.janedoe.org/

This is an overview.  For further, more in depth information on domestic violence, please click here.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is abuse that occurs between a family and / or household members.

“Abuse” is defined as:

• Attempting to cause or causing physical harm.
• Placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm.
• Causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress.

“Family or household” members are defined as:

• Are or were married to each other.
• Are or were residing together in the same household.
• Are or were related by blood or marriage.
• Have a child in common regardless of whether they have ever been married or have lived together.
• Are or have been in a substantive dating or engagement relationship.

Signs of Domestic Abuse:

A woman/man who is being battered by a man/woman may:

• Worry that he/she will be jealous.
• Be afraid of his/her temper.
• Go along with just about anything he/she says or does.
• Avoid friends.
• Seldom be seen with him/her in public.
• Have low self-esteem.
• Constantly apologize for his/her behavior.
• Allow him/her to make all the decisions.
• Drink heavily or use drugs.

A man/woman who is battering a woman/man may:

• Be very jealous.
• Have a very bad temper.
• Have difficulty showing his/her feelings other than anger.
• Threaten to hurt her/him, himself/herself or the children.
• Criticize and put him/her down, especially in front of others.
• Abuse pets.
• Control all the money.
• Drink heavily or use drugs, often insisting that he/she join him.
• Throw things at the man/woman, hit, shove or kick him/her.
• Male batterers may believe that women are not as good as men

Warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship:

• Abuse is about power and control
• Abuse is a range of behavior that may take many forms such as:
• Physical
• Emotional or mental abuse
• Verbal or sexual abuse
• Abusers often:
• Control the finances.
• Isolate the victim from their family and friends.
• Keep track of and control of the victim.
• Display extreme jealousy and/or use intimidation, threats and violence.
• Abuse usually gets worse over time, unless something is done to stop it. It can lead to serious harm or even death. 

The Cycle of Violence:

• In a violent relationship, some things happen over and over again.
• The batterer’s anger begins to build. The victim will often try to make things better or make things work. He/she is often aware at this point that he/she may get hurt if he/she does not do what pleases him/her.
• The batterer explodes and acts out in anger. After the violence, both parties may feel angry, confused, shocked, tired and hurt.
• A “loving” stage or “denial” stage often follows. Neither party wants to believe what has happened.
• The batterer says he/she is sorry. He/she may cry, send flowers, make promises or beg him/her not to leave. He/she may often threaten to kill himself/herself (or him/her) if he/she leaves.

Why does a person stay in an abusive relationship?

• The victim wants to believe that things will get better.
• The victim wants to believe that things will go back to the way they were at the beginning of the relationship.
• The batterer promises that it (the abuse) will never happen again.
• There are good parts to the relationship.
• Financial hardship.
• Children.
• The victim actually believes that they deserve to be treated badly.
• Low self-esteem.
• The victim has been alienated from all family and friends.
• The batterer has threatened to kill the victim, a family member(s) of the victim, or maybe even him/herself if he/she leaves.